Sometimes It's Best to Say No

We have all been in relationships. Sometimes we date for love, sex, attraction, loneliness, convenience. Sometimes we settle down with someone because we've been seeing them so long we see no reason why we shouldn't take the next step. And sometimes we get so lost in our relationships we lose sight of who we are and what we stand for.

Most people are too proud to admit they lose sight of who they are, what their beliefs are and how they want to live their lives. Maybe it's something minuscule we change such as movies we see. Maybe it's something larger such as dietary habits or changing our sleeping schedule so we can find a way to spend more time with someone causing us to be exhausted the following day.

The problem is people become too afraid to tell the ones they love no. They are afraid that they need to be there for them and do everything for them within their control. When someone lets you do everything for them, they don't actually care about you, they care about what you can do for them. That my friends is not love.

Today I got to thinking about all of the things I've done wrong in relationships. This is probably surprising to most of you, but in terms of relationships and love I am very good to the women I've loved. However, I am not good to myself.

Today while talking to friend in NYC, I asked him how his girlfriend was and his response to me was this, "I don't think she's doing well, but I'm not really sure. I decided the most important thing in my life is me right now." I was pretty impressed to hear him say this. It's not that he doesn't care about her anymore, it's that he knows he needs to be his number one priority.

It's important to recognize when your relationship isn't working anymore and when you realize it, stop trying to make it work. Unless you have a child or you're married, you don't need to be with this person. I know, she's incredible in bed or there's no one out there like him, or you'll never understand our connection.....I've heard it all. I don't believe in quitting and too often that mentality has found me in trouble. No one wants to say this isn't working anymore, no one generally wants to move on, but sometimes it's the most important thing because once we are aware we are changing, we start to lose a little of ourselves every day. We stop liking ourselves.

With the holiday season quickly approaching no one wants to be alone. People searching for love and companionship this time of year is as typical as women hiding their fat under sweaters and men growing beards. Don't date someone or rush into a relationship because you want someone to snuggle with or you'll find a year or two down the road the person isn't good for you and you don't necessarily like yourself. Instead be with your friends and your family. They are your support system and as much as we neglect the ones who love us, they are the most dependable.

Next Blog: "you know you have a drinking problem when....."