Allow me to Reintroduce Myself.....

As many of you know, my dear friend was writing a blog when some readers became angry with the material and it was shut down. I, Ben Wolf will be taking over the blog, but first, my friend asked me to relay this message to all of you:

I apologize for any posts I had written that offended or hurt anyone. That was never my intention.

When looking back at history, there are many rebellious figures that stand out for their strong beliefs. The world can be changed when just one man is willing to fight for what he believes.

Patrick Henry said, "Give me liberty or give me death," a saying I take to heart.

If George Washington had shut up when the British told him to, then he would not have formed the continental army and we would not be the United States today.

However, Washington did not back down to Cornwallis at Yorktown,
David did not cower before Goliath,
Luke Skywalker would not give in to the Darkside,
And I will not appease you and kneel before my oppressor as Chamberlain did Hitler.

If Tucker Max stopped writing, they wouldn't be serving Beer in Hell right now. So, well, damn, fuck, JESUS!

I'm not really an anti-authority, rebellious, kinda guy like my famous predecessors.
I'm just a guy, with a borderline, average sized dick, who wants to get it wet every once in awhile. And then I want to share those experiences with my readers.

So, not so anonymous blogger, suck on the receding hairline of my balls.
With that being said, I feel awful for offending you so, allow me to apologize.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I was born.
I'm sorry you’re sorry I was born.
I'm sorry I like anal.
I'm sorry sometimes I like to receive anal.
I'm sorry that I use an aerosol deodorant can that puts holes in the ozone layer.
I'm sorry for inconveniencing you in the morning by making you read my blog.
I'm sorry I gave a homeless man a dollar yesterday; I really needed that at the vending machine.
I'm sorry Sean Connery can no longer play James Bond.
I'm sorry I'm a moron and it upset you so much.
I'm sorry I’m not on welfare so you don't have more to complain about.
I'm sorry Paula Abdul doesn't make sense on American Idol.
I'm sorry Darth Vader chopped off Luke’s hand.
I'm sorry to all the people who have been stuck on an elevator when I’ve farted.
I'm sorry I once took a monster shit and locked my cousin in the bathroom. I really am sorry Zach!

BUT most of all, I'm sorry you take me so seriously because NO ONE ELSE DOES!

Bobby knight once wisely said, "When my time on earth is gone and my activities here are passed, I want them to bury me upside down so my critics can kiss my ass!"

You may be reading this and saying to yourself, "this is insane, this is madness, BUT THIS IS THE NEW BLOG BABY AND I’M NOT GOING FUCKING ANYWHERE!"

New Blog

this site is under construction........returning soon.

What to do when your girlfriend won't blow you

It has been brought to my attention that there are too many men in relationships that do not receive blow jobs. It is not that they do not receive them on the regular, it is that they do not receive them at all!

Instead the blow job has been manipulated into a scam women use, to get their man to commit to a relationship. Then one morning, the man wakes up and poof, the blow job is gone and becomes a distant memory you are not even sure ever existed.

A friend of mine told me he cannot remember the last time his girlfriend took a load to her mouth. He said it could have been a year! I was disgusted by this news.

I had always been under the impression that at the bare minimum, fellas got a b.j. when their girls were on the rag. I'm learning what used to be known as "blow job week," might as well be called "non-existent week."

There is a large majority of men out there who service their women for a plethora of reasons. Because they enjoy it, because they hope the favor is returned; and what women seem to forget is, because we like making them feel good, and watching them get off is a huge turn on.

Upon learning of the absence of dick sucking, I spoke to a few female friends and the general consensus was this: The reason many women do not fellate men, is because they fear they have not mastered the craft and don't want their significant other to be disappointed.

Concerned women do not fear! It is simple to please your man.

Men are stupid creatures. We assume we are great at everything and could leave no woman unsatisfied. Unfortunately, our foolish cockiness is false. While women are nervous they are not talented, they should not fret. All we ask if for your best effort with minimal pencil shredding! Your technique will improve with practice.

Guys, make sure to raise your girls confidence and tell her how incredible she looks, how skinny she is and how luscious her lips are. She will need guidance so don't be afraid to use your hand to lower her head.

Tell her you enjoy it as she goes to town on you, especially if it is the first time in awhile. Tell her how sexy she is and how turned on you get watching her. Then do her the favor of cumming fast. This way everybody wins. The faster you cum, the better job she will believe she did. Tell her how incredible it was. This might even encourage her to blow you more often.

It is vital men continue to get blow jobs or my greatest fear will occur. One day there will be a time, when you can ask any man if he has received a blow job and no one will respond. Women will have turned blow jobs into myths and stop practicing them. There absence will be a distant memory no one is sure ever occurred.

Men, I urge you, do not allow the blow job to ever turn into a myth! Think about your sons, and their sons who will never know how it feels to have a woman's mouth wrapped around their penis. Think about the whores and prostitutes who will charge an extra fee, or worst of all claim they are not permitted to perform this act.

For the women who still do not understand the importance of giving head here goes nothing. Most men love oral sex. It makes a person feel desired and it lets the man know you appreciate them and their penis.

Too often men have to feel guilty about wanting a blow job, but why should they? Do you feel bad when you want new shoes? And when you get those shoes, don't you really want compliments from others? In the end we all have the same basic need, and that is to be appreciated.

Why should having your cock sucked be some sort of reward? Why do we have to be on good behavior? It would destroy my self esteem if a girl told me I had to take out the trash every time I wanted a blow job. It is like giving a dog a treat for taking a piss.

Taking the trash out is a dirty, undesirable job that has now been placed in the same sentence as a blow job. No wonder women feel it is dirty. However, instead of it being a dirty act, think of the power it gives you as a woman to take control.

So women I plead to you, take control and let men feel a "deeper connection" to you. Blow jobs can be a beautiful sensual act. An amazing experience for both of you.

How often do we shove food down our throats or overlook a sunset? The same applies to sex. Sex can be routine and what better way to truly enjoy what life has to offer than to appreciate the things we over look. So be a good girlfriend and make your boyfriend feel appreciated!

Men: If you seem to be dropping hints by pushing your girlfriends head down, going down on her with no favor returned or even saying "let me stick my penis in your mouth" and nothing is working, it is time to show her "the move."

When you are your girl are intimate and you are about to release, jump up, put your cock in her face and give her an autograph she will never forget.

Never, Neverland

November 1, 2008:
I woke up on a couch with a pair of ripped green tights, a brown satchel, and a plastic sword. I went out as Peter Pan the night before and although I never found my shadow, I found a nice brunette to share the couch with. The beauty of brunettes is that although blondes are more fun, brunettes became secretly sluttier to make up for this.

My intention was to bring Slutty School Girl home, but her friend Trashy Bride won me over with her command of the English language. Of course by that I mean excessive usage of the word "like" and blank stares when asking non-thought provoking questions. I immediately knew she would not object to playing "just the tip."

I rolled over and looked at my phone, a text to an Ashley at 4:17 am, 516 area code saying “apartment S10J." I rolled out of bed and instead of dealing with Ashley, grabbed whatever I saw of mine and headed to Penn Station. I later realized I left my phone charger, glasses and sweatpants in NYC. About what I deserve for sneaking out.

After the cab ride to Penn Station, the flashbacks and hangover hit me once I was seated on the train, contemplating suicide. The long ride when you have far too much time to think about the horrible person you were and the STD’s you possibly contracted last night. The other passengers are blessed with your aroma of pussy juice, sweat, alcohol and body odor.

It was during this train ride I came to the realization that I ditched Slutty School Girl for her friend Trashy Bride. However, more importantly I learned of my new fetish: women I can sleep with, but never have to date.

The reason you love these women is because by being a weekend visitor, women have to accept there is no realistic opportunity for a relationship.

My bleeding inflamed liver would make most people quit drinking for the rest of their lives. I take a pill twice a day, but this was not close to a “I’m never going to drink again” hangover.

I would rather live fast and die young, than be old and die with regret. As Pan said, "to die would be an awfully great adventure." How could I ever utter the words, “I’m never going to drink again,” when every time I drink I fly away to magical places like Neverland?

If it hadn’t been for my liquid partner, I never would have face-fucked Trashy Bride’s pink taco last night. If it hadn’t been for drinking, Trashy Bride never would have had me fiddling under her roof, so everybody wins.

There is no chance in hell Pan is sticking his sword in anyone sober. It’s not that he's afraid to, but when you are sober and have a one night stand, you don’t really want to remember taking off each article of her clothing and if her pussy tasted like heaven or not; because the odds are it didn't. When you are blacked out drunk, you don’t usually think twice about eating her muff, but when you're sober you know it was probably questionable muff to be diving into in the first place.

So although my hungover, suicidal, train ride dared me to walk the plank, I thought back to Peter's happy thoughts, and when you do, you can fly, you can fly, you can fly.

Ben wonders

The Top 10 things I Wonder:

1. Why can't you kiss a prostitute on the mouth? and why is prostitution illegal? Anything to stimulate the economy I say.

2. Why is it so difficult to have sex with a girl who has a dog? The dog is always judging you and barking as if you are violating it's mother. How can a civilized human continue with those poor puppy eyes looking at you. Cruelty to animals.

3. How come when a guy is drunk and hooks up with a nasty girl he says, "it happens." But when a hot drunk girl wakes up with a gross guy she claims he took advantage? Men don't call foul play!

4. Is it an orgy if you only have sex with one of the people in the room, but there are multiple people involved?

5. How do people wipe their ass from front to back? Really I would LOVE a response!

6. Why do people say "in my opinion" before stating something. Obviously it is their opinion if they are speaking. Also, why do some people say, "can I ask a question" and then ask it anyway. Just ask the question to begin with.

7. Is it wrong to untag pictures of you and an ugly and/or fat girl? I think it should be considered charity if we leave it posted.

8. Why do people believe it is acceptable to post misleading profile pictures? Everyone knows the first thing they do when receiving a friend request is check pictures. Save us the time and show us what you really look like. It is false advertising. Is it such a foreign idea to post a picture that looks like you? Do the decent thing.

9.Why does it seem like every high schooler in the country bangs their teachers these days? Did I go to the wrong high school?

10. Is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self-esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?