If you don't get married by 30......

Should there be a mandatory wait period from the end of one relationship to the start of your next? I know far too many people who break up, mourn for 3 days maximum and within a week they are dating another person. Not sleeping with, but in a hardcore, announce it to the world, facebook official relationship.

It's pretty disturbing if you think about the type of people who act in this manner. They are legitimately setting up their next fuck, while they are still dating someone else. Basically cheating. If you are one of those people and you are reading this take a second, whip out your meat and potatoes and dip them in boiling water or slam them in a desk drawer. If you don't have balls use your imagination, any sharp object will do.

The reason I bring this up is because for some absurd reason one of you emailed me and asked for my advice on "how do you know if it's too soon to enter into a new relationship after a breakup." Being that I am a master of love, they came to the right person.

I have a few rules for relationships and the first is in regards to women because you are generally the easy target and there is a point I've wanted to make about you for some time.

"DO NOT PUT AN AGE ON WHEN YOU HAVE TO BE MARRIED"

The reason I say this is because most of you think if you are not married by 30 your life is over. You justify to yourself that 32 is also an acceptable age in a worst case scenario and you must have your first child by 35.

Now, you all read my blog for one of a few reasons:

1. you are addicted to the vulgarity
2. you actually do hate women
3. you masturbate to my stories
4. your life sucks and you need to escape it reading this shit
5. you need the honesty I provide; and here it is

If you put an age on everything, you will only be disappointed with life if you get to that age and you haven't achieved what it is you were hoping to.

You are probably wondering what the "age" reference has to do with relationships. I find too many people jump into marriage and relationships because they get to the point they don't want to be alone or hit that "age". If you are jumping into a new relationship quickly after getting out of another one, it should be because you know you want to be with the person, not because you are afraid to be alone. That's how people marry the wrong person. That's how people end up in relationships for years when they don't even really like each other.

I don't necessarily believe in settling down or the institution of marriage. Marriage is a security blanket for people who aren't confident enough to be alone and must rely on another. That is why I have chosen a life of promiscuous wild sex, primarily with strangers and plan on impregnating numerous women and having enough children to play full court basketball with two subs (12 if you're having trouble counting).

In conclusion, when you meet a person it doesn't matter how long it's been because since your relationship has ended because the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Joking aside, the best way to get over someone is when you meet the person who makes you completely forget the other person ever existed. You will know if you are ready to be serious. If you don't know, you're not ready or you're doing what far too many people do........entering a relationship because you don't want to be alone. Stop being a pussy, if you want to be with him/her just do it.

I apologize to ALL of my readers who were expecting the usual vulgarity and woman bashing.

NEXT BLOG: If my shit were an ice cream flavor I'd eat it: The story of why everyone likes their own brand.